Girls Night Out / Cut it off part 1

A friend of mine cracked me up with this story some odd years ago. She said she and her girls were going out to let off some steam on a cold winter's Friday in some little town in Wisconsin from the long week. Not exactly looking to hook up but not turning down the “sponge-worthy” gentlemen if his game was well intact. The objectives were dancing, flirting, giggling and wiggling certain body parts. One of them even had a science experiment for the night, rubbing some of the “kitty juice” ( as they called it ) on her neck to see if it really did attract the opposite sex. She said it was like luring moths to a flame hell even some women were taking the bait.

So from house to house getting ready, the checks are set. Breath, perfume, chin boobs, tight pants or that skirt that she has to keep pulling down with every 3^rd step and hair and nails just done. so when they walk in giggling and making them tits bounce while looking around like they are searching for someone it catches the desired attention ( you know the walk ), the women instantly start hating and the men starting circling like sharks. So it begins and they are out dancing and it seems she has caught the attention of this certain cat, they have been bumping and grinding through a good portion of songs, and she said she could tell he was wanting more and she wasn't objecting. He was tall, smelled good and didn't talk too much and she could feel him and she was wanting...

We all know how the late night scramble goes though, the lights are about to come on and everyone is trying to scramble to get those numbers before the club lets out, basically trying to finalize the deals. The lines to the bathroom aren't long anymore because people are already done fucking (don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about either ). So while smiling to her girls, ( this is the signal ) she takes his hand and they head on out of the club into better lights...the street lights.

It is here where the game has to be on point because of its moment of truth. So they were walking out in the parking lot out to her car and her girls weren't far behind with nice prospects. So he spins her around to get a good look at each other and she can feel a flirty smile come across her face. She noticed that he did this on purpose, he lined his nose hair with his mustache. Yes, it actually came out and down and meshed in. Now, remember this is in the thick of winter and while they are talking and she's not trying to stare, all of his facial hair is catching plenty of snow. So it's now that her girls have noticed this and some of the guys have as well. Unfortunately, there is no continuation because she gave her girl a look to come up with some excuse and they spent time at IHOP laughing at the whole situation.

But You Ate My Piece of Cake...

I will never let it go, even though it's been well over 30 years ago it's just what older brothers do, hang on to shit to bring it up later. I feel like I wouldn't be holding up to my big brother obligations if I didn't bring it up once every 3^rd blue moon at that perfect time.

See my brother and I were about 5 and 2. He was sitting in his high chair and I was on my knees in my chair as we were both devouring these last two pieces of wedding cake that my parents so kindly brought back for us. Not long into falling into sugar heaven bliss because the icing was everything back then, do I notice that I have to pee. I try to ignore it but the longer I try, the stronger it gets. I think ( even at 5 ) that it's disgustingly bad taste for me to bring my piece into the bathroom with me so I look at my brother who is looking at me while I'm pondering what to do about this predicament. I was actually shocked that he was still using his hand and fork technique because usually by now you could hear his fork land somewhere and he needed to get both hands on his prize.

I then stare at him and feel time slow down as I'm heading towards the decision of leaving my cake in his face, figuring that I've pissed really fast before and he couldn't make it out of that high chair fast enough to eat his piece and get to mine. So I shove my piece in the middle of this pretty large kitchen table and tear off for the bathroom. Mind you I used to brag to my pops that I could pee a gallon in record time, so I had a nice stream going, finished dropped the seat and lid, flushed my hands and ran back around the corner to see this boy shoving the last piece of my cake into his mouth. That's when he froze as though I wasn't coming back. If you could have seen his face it was like, “Oh you still wanted this?”

So to this day, I still give my brother shit over this and his repeated response is, “Man I'll buy you a cake” and I tell him no, I want to bring this up as often as I'd like from now on which is followed by the usual younger brother response the eye roll and walk away. Yeah I still win!

Stop Eating My Food!

I had a food management class in high school. I actually loved this class even though the teacher was a bit of a odd man, his tone through me and his clear and precise actions did make me think of people in the service (  he was a veteran ) but how he acted made me think he clung to his mom a bit too tight as he still had this little child tone in his voice when he spoke and this man was completely gray haired. He used to let me make whatever I wanted, whether it was baking sugar cookies and selling them in the halls, or barbecuing chicken and green beans while everyone else had that sorry excuse for pizza at lunch. He was awfully nice about that.

My classmates, one in particular this girl who earlier this week was telling us about how he was messing with this older guy and about how she was sitting on his face and playing with her cum in his goatee ( I about grabbed my stomach and doubled over at this point ) I couldn't imagine how anyone wanted to stuff their face down there let alone anywhere close to this girl. The day before she was wearing some green stretch pants and I swear I saw this yellowish powder in the crease of her butt cheeks like rosin ( I used it in orchestra when I played my cello ) I swear this is relevant to the story. You have no idea how hard I am laughing at how some people who are reading this now are doing what I did in complete disgust right now, this is wonderful. I'll call her “V”.

So one of the final mornings draws near as we are just coming to class to finish the school year as we are already finished with finals. So I'm cooking some breakfast as everyone else in class was. I don't take long cooking though and mine is smelling mighty good and is catching the attention of most of my classmates. My pancakes were light and fluffy, and my eggs were just right with some bacon and sausage well you know the deal, all the stuff that will give you a nice dose of the “itis” ( food so good that it will put you to sleep soon after you eat it ) early in the morning. I lay my plate down damn near salivating over it and I remember my glass of milk in the huge sterile kitchen, as I make my way back to my seat after retrieving my milk who do I see sitting in my seat fucking stuffing her face? Fucking V! She must have slowed down long enough to hear my footsteps and say with a huge mouthful of damn near a piece of everything on my plate, “I'm sorry, it looked so good I just needed to get a taste you can have it back”. I froze and thought of all the disgusting things she had just told us, and placed the milk in front of her and told her to enjoy, and promptly left class. Why do I still have fond memories of that class?

Faster Booties

So one night a whole gang of my cousins came into town. Now some of them live closer and some live pretty far away. Heck, some of them I've never even seen before but I've always felt that the more you have, the better. Being that I was still the oldest, ( and that I was around 16 and their ages tapered down ), they all followed me like drones, and after all of the running around and just enjoying our time together, it was time for bed. So we get to my room (why 10 boys had to sleep in my room was beyond me ) and telling all kinds of stories to each other.

Well after hearing of all kinds of funny stories from me, one of my more younger cousins chimes in with his story about what he saw in the park on his way home from school one day. He says that he was walking home taking the usual route back home when he saw this boy on top of this girl and it looked like he was hurting her. By this time my brothers and I had seen quite a bit of sex on TV or porn so we start snickering. My young cousin was still describing the scene, see he was walking from behind them, and he could hear her and she was getting louder and louder and then he said the boy was doing faster booties, and faster booties. He never bothered to tell us about how he intervened but I think that was because none of us could hold our laughter in after that. The innocent look on his face told so much, he didn't understand the humor and was still trying to defend the girls pain which only made the laughter louder. We have never let him forget this story and all he does is roll his eyes. I love my family.