It's not chicken

 For those of you that know me, you know how picky I am with my food; not like the whole “my body is a temple” jazz but hell there is just some shit (boy doesn’t the word shit sound good in this context) that I just can’t eat. So when going to a restaurant I don’t experiment or play around with, ‘cause the last thing I want to do is order something nasty and still be hungry.

One day a couple of my dudes and I go to this Chinese spot here in town, and when I do order my favorite dish, chicken fried rice, my fault in assuming that they will prepare it the same way as the only other place I go to, fried rice, scrambled eggs, cooked peas, cooked carrots, and actual fucking chicken. Well the man comes out and brings it to my table and I reply with, “What’s this?” He says, “Chicken Fried Rice.” Next I ask, “Dude, why is my chicken in balls? Were you in the back playing with my food?” All the while thinking is this how cat meat looks when you cook it? Is this chicken? Why the hell is it in balls? “It’s not in balls”, he replies. I say, “How the hell can you explain the rolled up look? Man look at it!”


I said finally after some serious stare downs, “You know what, you eat it; I’m not paying for this!” The whole time my best friend is still trying to eat his food and said he felt like his food was going to shoot out of his nose he was laughing so hard. My voice has a tendency to go up a few octaves (you know like Mike Tyson, some of my friends even try to get under my skin just to see if my voice will go up and then laugh) when I get excited or talk fast. I don’t like to show out in restaurants because they have my food, and I don't want to take a chance at them fucking up my meal on purpose because I appear to be one of those people who think that waiters or waitresses are beneath them and I don’t believe that the customer is always right but this cat wasn’t even trying to work with me, like he’d never even seen what I was talking about.
So now I only order from one place and if it's not chicken when I think it should be, its some pretty damn good cat.