Can you just watch?

For whatever reason I was extremely sensitive today

Physically, my body was so in-tune with my surroundings

That sometimes I would stay still and close my eyes to

Feel everything that wasn't apart of me. Like feeling

Of the fan lightly blowing on my skin, or my clothes 

Touching my skin, one hand on my stomach and the other

In my basketball shorts. During this time my mind was silent

My body was live and direct and my breathing was deep and

Steady, and sharp. Completely aware, there was no need to look

In my mind I saw everything. Then it started, and there you were.

In thinking that you were there watching, heightened my senses

The way I focused on my breathing helped a great deal

My natural reaction was to quicken my pace but I told myself no

The pause between inhales and exhales make my body shake

I felt like a cup that was full to the brim and was on the verge of 

Spilling, without a care of the outcome. During those fifteen minutes

I shook, twitched, screamed and yelled all completely out of control

It was too much, it hurt yet I didn't want it to stop. The main thing that

Hurt was that you really weren't there, I only imagined that you were

There with me, watching me, calming down, could you just watch me baby?

I'm Sorry for Taking So Long

    Thank you for attempting to spend time with me and my brothers. I now know something about how hard your life was. I can remember you telling me, "If you wanna go fishin' with me, you betta' do it soon before I pass away." I would always respond with, “Grandma please stop talking like that, we've got plenty of time.” The you passed away. We never ended up going fishing and I know that was something that you loved to do, and I knew then I should have just gone with you. I know I should have just dealt with the mosquito's that early in the morning just to spend some more time with you but I didn't, I took "OUR" time for granted, you have always been there when I was young.

    Your silence made me feel uneasy and what's odd is that silence is something that is apart of me; some people find it unsettling. At the time I didn't understand but now when I write this letter to you I can feel it, the difference is for me is it no longer feels unsettling. I know that you had a very different life than I had but I find it interesting the things that I've picked up from you through that silence. For instance the time when you showed me how to cool off on a hot day, by taking a cold face rag and sit in front of the fan. So for all the times that I do go fishing, I will think of you when I see the calm waters. I love and miss you Grand-ma'.

    She passed away back in my mid-teens this is just something that I have been carrying around with me since then, thats a long long long time for a apology. For the woman who taught me to sip the last of really good kool-aid slowly,

                           I love you - your grand son

Dudes Night, the best night for some questions

My dudes and I occasionally get together and BBQ and play corn-hole and end the night with playing some dominoes and talking shit to each other. After the BBQ is done and we are done tossing bean bags that ends up a bean-bag fight, we come into the real game. Bones/Dominoes.

There are only us three, J and T and I. I ask a question that deals with being comfortable with someone that you are trying to get to know, you know boundaries and it's sometimes funny and interesting to hear and see these reactions out of your favorite people. I think it's cool to try and learn more about these cats. You invest in relationships and the three of us have invested a lot of "us" in our relationships with each other, so this is a cool setting.

So I ask the both of them what if there was a woman that they went on three very nice dates with and for the fourth this night you suggest that she comes to the pad for a dinner and movie night. Now this isn't for the gain of trying to get into her pants, just to spend some time with her. So dinner goes very well and the both of you remove yourself from the table and go into the living room and watch a movie and then you hear it. She just left one go while laughing at the movie or you (besides knowing that MOST women that "WE" have come in contact with will NEVER do this) now how would you handle this situation? I love being able to ask these kind of questions.

Well J pretty much said what I felt, it's a natural body function, but I took it a step further, I'd rather her do it in front of me, not because she doesn't want to, but because I want her to drop those barriers with me, I want that closeness. I mean I would sacrifice my stomach to save her nose. Now I know what a lot of people are thinking, why wouldn't you just goto the bathroom when you needed to, but shit, depending on what we had, I'd be in there pretty regularly. But the point being, don't hind the fact that you are human in front of the other person.

Now T didn't agree, for a few reasons one because she's a woman, not a womanly thing to do, doesn't find it hot at all, but that wasn't the main reason, she's at his house. He said that if they were at her spot he wouldn't have thought twice about it. He saw it as she disrespected his house and would have probably ended it from that alone.

If you feel compelled please share your thoughts on this very special dudes night, for this was only one of many conversations on that night.

The Tale I told him

One afternoon before going to my nephews birthday party, I'm taking my four year old son to the store for a birthday present. We go through the usual isles with toys and after a while of reminding this cat that we are there to pick toys for his cousin and not himself, we finally nab a few and leave. Once back in the truck, he asks, “Why do the doors lock by themselves?” Now I could have simply answered his question but I thought what fun would that be, when I could give him some of my imaginary stories on the spot. So I launch into this long detailed funny, quirky explanation.

I tell him that the truck that we are in is actually a transformer, much like the ones in the movies. I tell him that this one is one of the good ones, and when he goes to bed, this auto-bot and I take out in outer-space to fight those deceptacons. I tell him that sometimes after victories we goto the moon and I roll down the window, and I'd swipe some of the moon in my hand since you know that the moon is made of cheese, and I eat it. Next I tell him that this special moon cheese gives me such awesome gas that when I fart from eating it, I make explosive rainbows, (coincidentally is our nickname for farts now, even my daughter says this) By now he has this huge smirk on his face and I hear him say, “Nuh uh Dad!” This being a goofy dad is some awesome thing. I love how my kids don't buy all of the things I just say out of the side of my mouth.