Is She Tornmenting me?

It would appear that she's tormenting me, there's not a smile to be seen and yet she doesn't look evil or mischievous or just plainly up to no good. See the thing is, we are supposedly giving each other some space, some time to think about things. This was her idea. I think, scratch that I know I smothered her. I think more than anything I showed that I loved her. Okay, I am thinking too much, and it hurts just to see this. I know that I shouldn't try to read this picture, that's silly it's just a picture...but I love her. Why the but, I have no idea like saying but has anything to do with it. Am I overlooking something? I know that I have made others feel this way, is this my payback?


I refuse to say stupid things like, "You'd do this if you really loved me." I'm not trying to use love as a leverage, but it does make me wonder. She has left a few times before due to us getting closer than she was ready for. I always came to her, and we started back up, so is she grooming me to be possessive? Is she trying to get me to always come back to her? I'm not sure if I am comfortable with that. Fuck, I know I am not, I don't own her and don't want to, but how bad do I have to feel to want to make someone stay with me? The past few days after seeing this picture I can't stop crying. It's been said that a man shows his weakness when he cries, and I feel real weak right now yet I can't stop looking into her eyes. Funny how I feel my strongest when I am doing the exact same thing.


It's also been said that if you love something, you set it free and if it comes back to you, it's yours. What about that time in the middle of the possible middle? How long am I supposed to wait? Is that an open ended invitation to come into my life whenever they want? How large is the window of opportunity? Are the windows of the same size and cost? How many times can they leave and come back? Do you see how I feel about that statement, I do understand but I don't live a fairytale life and have been on both sides of love.


I remember the last time I saw her, we had gone out for a little dancing. She looked so beautiful. I think what did it for me well besides the fact that my eyes could only see her, was the way she made me feel when she smiled at me. I love for her not for how she looks but how she makes me feel from something as simple as just thinking about her to how I feel when I am with her.


I tried to avoid my friends, I don't want to hear them that I need to let the thought of her pass. How can I? How can I begin to think of someone else when my soul only reacts to her? I'm not that good of an actor. I can't think straight, my thoughts are all over the place, I have to try and remember to forget her tomorrow...Fuck this will never end...